Ask the stars: Sickest Drop in the World

Could you sing over a sick drop a la Justin Bieber in 'As Long As You Love Me'?

At 2.42 in this very JUSTIN BIEBER video (linked above) a phenomenon occurs which has changed the world forever. Justin sings over what can only be described as The Sickest Drop in History.* We asked a few other 'popular artists' whether they thought they could match the so far unrivaled heartthrob. 

Craig David: "No, that's not my flava."

Cliff Richard: "Of course not, when God made that metaphorical musical cliff He did not intend it to be sung over."

Madonna: "Why, has that Gaga slut done it?"

Skrillex: Skrillex refused to comment on this, but since we proposed the idea its been rumored that he attempts this feat regularly in his dressing room. Reports describe it simply as "embarrassing."

Will Smith: "Don't even start with that shit, that trouble marker's been putting crazy ideas like that in my kids head for the last two years."

Micheal Buble: On hearing this news, Buble choked back a wistful tear and graciously said, "This is one great step forward for the Canadian Nation, and two steps backwards in my career."

Chris Brown: "Tha fuck you say to me? WHY DOES EVERYONE PICK ON ME."

Lady Gaga: "I tried but the spiritual forces of the universe told me to stop. They exploded my brain into a million tiny diamonds and wild flowers. Also, gay rights."

The One Direction: The boys' publicist informed us that unfortunately it was their nap time and that we couldn't possibly disturb them or Harry would be grouchy later.

Enrique Inglesias: "No, but did you know I got my mole removed?"

Nicki Minaj: "Biebs in the trap. Why, has Mariah done it?"

Kanye West: "CAN JUSTIN BIEBER MAKE JESUS WALK"

Alicia Keys: Alicia was not available for comment but her therapist today confirmed reports that she has locked herself in a dilapidated mansion in an undisclosed location for an undetermined amount of time until she can achieve this feat.

Barack Obama: "You realise this is a presidential debate, right?"

Sean Paul: "Sean da Paul."

We can all see that this extensive questionnaire has indeed proved that JUSTIN BIEBER's talent and dedication to his craft is unrivaled.

Investigative reporters Annie Kelly and Abby Thomas, signing out. 


*Scholars are, as yet, out on this being the official term for it, but musical academics are confident that this will be proved in time.

BELIEVE. 

As Long As You Understand Me

Justin Bieber - As Long As You Love Me

By now it should be self evident that "As Long As You Love Me" is a pop song that will stand the test of time. However, there are still doubting Thomas' out there who don't BELIEVE and refuse to acknowledge the artistic integrity of this overwhelmingly heartbreaking melody. 

Picture the scene. A youngster from the wrong side of the tracks (played subtly yet stunningly by our very own multi-talented JUSTIN BIEBER) falls for a fair maiden whose cruel (possible mobster) father, blinded by his own love of status and wealth, just can't seem to see how deep their love runs.*

"I was just like you", growls the money grabbing monster, clearly not having grasped just exactly which pop deity's presence he is in (a testament to JUSTIN BIEBER's pure method acting skills), and thus he banishes Justin without a thought for the broken heart of his beautiful daughter. Here, we may well draw comparisons between our late great poet/playwright WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE and JUSTIN BIEBER. Indeed, it is agreed by many experts in the field of Literature & Culture, that if Shakespeare were alive today he would approve of this re-incarnation of the classic Rom & Julie tale. 

For lesser men than JUSTIN BIEBER our story may well end here. However, after some deep soul searching (and some great dancing) our JB decides his love means more than any prejudices across class borders. This is where that beautiful chorus line, "As Long As You Love Me" really gains poignancy. The star cross'd lovers must abandon everything they know in order to be together, but as Justin so rightly sings, "We could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke." As the montage of them writing on each other and smiling into each other's eyes shows, they are made for each other, and prepared for every consequence.   

The lovers hit the road, and at this point Beiber calls on the renowned philosopher BIG SEAN, who draws upon a multitude of ancient belief systems in order to describe to the audience the couple's true love. One striking example is the use of the ancient and sadly long forgotten Chinese Proverb - "草不喜新厭舊的另一端，你的水是綠色的- "The grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it." Thanks, BIG SEAN, who after all is well known for his admiration of the Aristotlian Politics, as well as Neo-Confucianism, Nietzschian Existentialism, Emotivism and a fierce admirer of John Locke and the Enlightenment movement. Combining all these elements, it is clear that BIG SEAN is, in fact, the Twenty First Century's answer to T.S Eliot, and his epic poem, "The Waste Land". Who else could compile such a huge composition of cultures to tell one story of the modern age AND rhyme whilst doing so?

Unfortunately, all the worthy advice in the word cannot save Justin on his dark path he hurtles down with his lover. He is (SPOILER) tragically intercepted on-route to escape by the aforementioned Evil Emperor Father. Justin heroically (of course) refuses to stand by and let his true love slip away from him for ever. However, as the upstanding moralist we know him to be, JUSTIN BIEBER cannot lay a hand (although he would undoubtedly crush) the father of his to-be bride. Therefore, he valiantly gets a good pummeling, until he is nothing more than a bleeding orifice of a man.

His fair lady is snatched away from him (possibly for ever? TBC) and our man is left broken, yet not defeated as the final haunting syllable of "As long as you love me" sweetly caresses our eardrums, and Justin's bruised eyes stare defiantly into our own. We know this is not the end. No. This is not the end.    

*For more information on how deep love can indeed run, please see our Bee Gee's How Deep EXACTLY Is Your Love (?) webpage.